May 11, 2009

My appologies for being gone for so long... it could not be helped. Like Melissa
on the forum said, "Things Don't Always Go As Planned... ". and they certainly
have not gone according to plan in my life for the last couple of months.

In the next few days on my blog and here I will start to reveal what has been
going on... things are not quite settled yet, but at least they are not as bad
as they were and I have a computer again so I can keep in contact.

Last October 16th on my blog, I wrote a story about the homeless
http://www.downtotherootsmagazine.com/Blogs/08_october_16.htm and although I had
a 24 hour glimpse of life on the streets then, I had full reality hit me in the
last few weeks. I said in my article that becoming homeless can happen to
anyone. Apparently so. It happened to me.

I was actually living out of my vehicle and/or in a tent for two weeks as I
could not go back to my farm as there was 5 months of snow in the road from it
not being plowed out and I was laid off from my job in February, so had very
little funds. Then I went to my mother's in Oregon to regroup for 9 days after I
could finally contact her.

Why did I suddenly become homeless?

Violence and abuse affect all kinds of people every day. It doesn't matter what
race or culture you come from, how much money you have, how old you are, or if
you have a disability. Violence does not discriminate.

Abuse can be physical, mental, and/or emotional. Violence against women in any
form is a crime, whether the abuser is a family member; someone you date; a
current or past spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend; an acquaintance; or a
stranger. You are not at fault. You did not cause the abuse to occur.

Abuse is WRONG! If you are in that situation, please get out. ABSOLUTELY no
reason exists for staying in a relationship where you are abused. When the
economy is bad, abuse rates in relationships skyrockets.

Pregnancy is supposed to be a time of peace and safety. A time where the family
turns its thoughts towards raising the next generation and growing a healthy
baby. Unfortunately for many women, pregnancy can be the beginning of a violent
time in their lives.

It is estimated that one in five women will be abused during pregnancy. As
homicide during pregnancy now surpasses the previous leading causes of death
(automobile accidents and falls), it is more important than ever that we know
the signs and properly screen women for domestic violence.

Pregnant women's risk of abusive violence was shown to be 60.6% greater than
that of nonpregnant women in a sample of 6,002 households.

An abusive relationship is about the man (or anyone else) wanting complete power
and control. Any of the following IS abuse.

* Put downs, name calling
* Yelling, screaming or swearing
* Threatening gestures
* Throwing things
* Verbal threats
* Damaging property or pets
* Blaming
* "Silent Treatment"
* Jealousy, preventing friendships
* Controlling activities
* Public embarrassment or rude in front of friends
* Any unwanted physical contact such as pushing, shoving, spitting, grabbing,
sex, lack of sex, pinching, slapping, kicking, punching, choking, biting.
* Having arguments with your partner where you were threatened, insulted or
verbally attacked.
* Felt afraid of your partner's behavior such as reckless driving, use of drugs
(legal or illegal) , alcohol abuse or threatening behaviour.
* Been physically hurt by your partner
* Been prevented from seeing your friends, or family or getting a job, going to
school
* Felt afraid in your relationship for fear of your partner's reaction
* Been frequently woken up or kept up in the night by your partner to continue
an argument
* Been constantly criticized by your partner for how you look or what you wear.
* Had to justify all your purchases or all your financial decisions.
* Been told you are to blame for all the problems in your relationship with him.
* Sometimes felt hopeless that nothing you do seems to change your partner's
behaviour.
* Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him?
* Do you feel exhausted all the time?
* Do you get frequent headaches being in the relationship?
* Do you have unexplained medical problems (heart palpitations, difficulty
breathing, loss of appetite, loss of sexual interest, pregnancy problems?)
* Having sleeping problems? (Insommia, sleep too much, wake in the night)?

IF you identify with these questions and signs, you are probably experiencing
abuse in your relationship. Please get out of the relationship no matter what.
Your health, your children and your life are at stake. No man is worth taking
abuse from. You are worth more than living like that. Abused women come from all
backgrounds and socioeconomic areas.

Help is available for those involved in abusive relationships. Many states have
programs to provide you with shelter and clothing, even prenatal care. Look in
the blue pages of a phone book or go to your local police department. Remember,
that help is available, and you are not alone. Please, for your sake and your
children's do not delay in seeking help, your lives may depend on it.

If you're a victim of abuse or violence at the hands of someone you know or
love, or you are recovering from an assault by a stranger, you are not alone.

To get immediate help and support
call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

or the National Sexual Assault Hotline
at 1-800-656-4673.

Just do not be afraid to leave. You can do it. And don't go back